Warning: This is a long post. I’ve been getting a lot of hits on the site by people googling things like “how to deal with your Korean boss,” etc. So I thought I’d give my two cents on it. This is just my opinion and it sort of wavers between hardcore cynicism and what I hope to be objective realism. The biggest peril in Korea, I think, is having a Korean boss, especially if you work at a “private” school/hagwon. Unfortunately, if you are working in Korea, you have a Korean boss. Let’s begin by saying that this isn’t a racial categorization, but rather a cultural one. Many people view cultural supremacy to be just as bad as racial supremacy, so I digress…let’s just say that if you work in Korea, you will have a boss and your relationship will not always go smoothly…by the way, they’re going to be Korean.
One of my friends recently said “Treat your Korean boss like a mushroom. Keep them in the dark and feed them s&@%.” There are definitely times when you could benefit from that…but for the sake of being less cynical, let’s use this approach as a last resort. Don’t worry, I’ll get cynical in a bit. I think there are a lot of good articles about this subject on various blogs. What they all say is the same thing “Korean culture is different than Western culture.” Of course, it is, though how different can be debated. It seems to me that Korean culture is incredibly similar to Western culture since they’ve eaten up our media, our fashion, our language, our food, etc. There are some key points at which Korean culture really diverges from the West. This is where I talk about Confucianism (Imagine me talking about Confucianism). So did you get all that? Yeah, Confucianism is pretty messed up when taken to an extreme. The guy said some pretty cool things, but somehow this dead Chinese man is a lot of what’s wrong with Korea (from my point of view).
Here’s another thing that you hear on a lot of blogs: “Your boss, for his whole life has had to take abuse from his superiors and now that he’s gotten to the top, he feels that it’s within his right to abuse others.” That bit seems true. Instead of breaking the cycle and following some of Confucius’s other sayings about how you shouldn’t impose stuff on others that you wouldn’t want imposed on yourself, it continues indefinitely. I can’t imagine that anyone likes being bullied by their superior or would wish it upon themselves, so I’m guessing that they’re just not very good at being Confucian when it doesn’t suit them. We have the same thing back home, it just comes in the form of Christian folks not acting very Christian. So let’s put any notions of superiority behind us for the time being.
Korean bosses are God-Kings. It reminds me of the story you always hear about the Roman general riding through the streets in front of a cheering crowd. In the story, there’s someone beside/behind him saying “Look behind you! Remember that you are but a man! Remember that you’ll die!” It will often seem like your Korean boss hasn’t been made aware that he is not a deity. The best way to deal with this…well, your guess is as good as mine, but they are already self-proclaimed deities and it wouldn’t hurt for you to treat them like that also if it won’t kill you.
I think a lot of conflict comes from our different understandings of the concept of respect. In a lot of ways, I grew up thinking that you had to earn respect. Of course, you always ought to respect the elderly, but if the elderly person in question is a hateful monster then you don’t really have to respect them. Most of us were also raised to believe that we deserved some amount of respect since we’re human beings and all…well that doesn’t play to hierarchy so much, so just go ahead and forget about that. The people I’ve worked with have a very different idea of respect.
One of my bosses (not going to mention which one) is a horrible man. I mean, if I felt like getting deported, I would start a fist fight with him. He’s very much the traditional type who expects you to bow and speak to him in honorific Korean (a form of speech that you almost never actually use in real life). He told me once that I shouldn’t speak English to the children…that I should only speak to them in Korean…yeah…I sort of had to say “Well…this is my job…that’s why the office of education hired me…right?” But this man, on the Monday meetings, likes to find one person who has made some minor mistake and just lays into them. He likes to make women cry. He likes to curse at them in front of all of their co-workers until they cry in front of everyone. How this man scaled the ranks to become a principal is beyond me. They’ve got a system in place which apparently requires no education on how to manage employees other than a copy of “The Prince.” Anyway, my co-teachers all “respect” him, but it’s not what I think of as respect. When he’s present, they’re very deferential to him, but the second he leaves then it’s time to bring out the trash talk. I sort of think that if you respect someone, then you respect them even when they’re not there. Maybe they feel the same way, but if that’s the case I’m unaware.
I had some bosses at a hagwon when I first moved here. I had no idea how to do anything in Korea. So when bills came I didn’t know what to do. They told me to give them the money and they’d pay it. So I thought that was great. I had no idea how much bills were supposed to be in Korea either. So I went about paying them. Then I learned how to read my bill and noticed that “late payment” was always there. They were taking my money, not paying the bill, then making a profit when I would inevitably pay the late fee, which they had pocketed. I caught on when my water bill was 100$ and had a pink slip attached to it. I had one of my co-workers read it and she told me it said they were cutting off my water because I hadn’t paid in 3 months. I went into work and gave them what I actually owed for the month, didn’t pay the late fee, and let them know I was wise to their scheme. I shouldn’t have done this because we’re talking about a really small amount of money. They were stealing from me of course, but they were stealing like 20$ a month. It’s such a petty amount and it was definitely embarrassing for them. So the best way to go about it would have been to just pay what I owed and never mention the discrepancy so they wouldn’t have to “lose face.” I feel bad for my co-workers who lived in the hagwon, though. Their electricity bill was 60,000won (56$) according to my bosses who were the only ones allowed to see the electricity bill (my electricity bill is about 6$ normally).
I think the best way to deal with everything is ultimately to avoid conflict at all cost. Ask yourself if it’s worth getting worked up for. If it really is some minor thing, then go complain to your friends if you want to, but the more you give the more you get…and to be honest, maybe that won’t be true in your case. Maybe you will have a sociopath for a boss, but most of the things that foreigners chalk up to some sort of mental disorder are really just the result of entitlement and inflexibility on the part of the teacher, who feels outnumbered and taken advantage of. Sometimes that is the case, but a lot of times taking a deep breath and going with the flow will make your life easier. If it’s something where they’re not paying you for overtime, that would be a good time to mention something if you’re working in a public school or something…if you work at a hagwon though, just expect that and expect that if you mention it then your life just got twice as bad because you’ve raised the alarm on the thought police. It’s also advisable to try to work things out with your school first before you speak to your liaison at the office of education. If you go over your bosses head, it just won’t go well for you and the liaison is more likely to take your boss’s side because they’re worried about their jobs too. They also want to appear easy going…and honestly, they’re not qualified for their positions a lot of times. Being a gyopo and teaching a little is all they need to get those jobs. If I’m wrong, then call me out, but I’ve read job adverts for those positions. It’s easy to look at it and say “well that’s a racist hiring practice,” and while we will never get those jobs, most of us weren’t raised speaking fluent Korean and English and don’t have a complete understanding of both cultures…and maybe they don’t always either; it seems difficult to live in both worlds and to not be too in favor of one over the other…I’m just throwing that out there.
So anyway, this is a really long post and it’s just my opinion based on my experience. Your experience will not be the same as mine, but it could be similar. There’s plenty of good things about working in Korea, but learning to lie low is a key to getting those things. This time of year a lot of people are going to be coming over for their first tours and the best way to get over some minor injustice is to realize that this isn’t permanent unless you want it to be.
Ramen Water 